Domestic Violence: It’s a Cycle       

          Blackened eyes and broken bones are the images that come to mind when one thinks of domestic violence, and while those may be obvious signs, control is the real issue.

          In domestic violence, a pattern of control emerges. This is what sets domestic violence apart from assault or simply two people fighting.

          Abusers weave together intimacy and abuse to control their partners. It is never an isolated incident. It is never about someone being hit one time. Its a cycle of violence.

          Domestic violence tends to be a gender-based crime. in fact, the most recent figures from the Department of Justice show that 84% of domestic victims are women.

          One of the first signs of domestic violence is the perpetrator cutting the victim off from her family, friends and co-workers. Then the scene is set for physical abuse because now she does not have a support system.

          Each time they visit her mother the couple will get in a fight. If the victim buys into the theory that her visits with her mother are causing the problems, she will cut off the visits. the most common response then is the old tough love approach, where mom says, “Do not call me until you get rid of him.” Then unfortunately, a door is slammed in the victims face. She is now trapped on a roller coaster ride with no end in sight. Often the abuser will tell the victim, “If you leave me, I will kill myself.”

          Wrapped up in the day to day safety and cover-up, she has little time to think about what she really wants or needs. Its like being in the middle of the forest and trying to see the trees.

          Victims should know that there are many support groups and shelters available to them. These groups focus on getting the woman to see she is a person with feelings and that she needs to now look forward to becoming a survivor.

          In the support groups they talk about safety plans, how to recognize when the situation is escalating and how to help their children in those emergency Situations.

Gregory Berin #47666

ERDCC/ Bonne Terre, MO.

Dedicated To: Mona Gardner #83178